He is not me
I felt lucky at the time. We had known each other for more than 13 years. It was unimaginable that we would be a pair. However, I ever asked you to be with me previously, yet you rejected me. I also realized that the first time I asked you it felt not proper. I asked you through a phone with all of the sudden. Certainly, it stressed you out since you were preparing your thesis. Everything felt awkward afterwards. We had not contacted each other for a long time.
Three years had passed and we met each other again, in Jakarta. I tried contacting you and it was a warm welcome from you. It was getting intense and we got closer to each other. A thought came to my head to ask you if you would like to be my girlfriend. You said yes and I could not hide my joy.
We spent moments together. We had many discussions. No hesitations were appeared in my head to express my intention of marrying you. I needed to ask you this since I have got a scholarship to study abroad. Everything should be arranged carefully. It turned out that this was the time our relationship starting to crack. You showed me some strange behaviors.
No encounter were made in three weeks. The reason was that you got plenty of tasks and it was overwhelming. I understood. Text and messages were even lesser as the time progressed. My mom asked me if you attempted to make a distance with me. Positivity kept me having a faith in you that you were really drowned in office tasks.
Until a Saturday came. I asked you in the morning if you had a spare time for a hang out. You said you needed to see a friend that had an ill. At the first, it looked she did not even consider to go out with me. It really shocked me. But, I had no entitlement to control how she spent her time. So I let her do what she wanted to do.
At the night, you wanted to talk to me, but only by text. I was at a sport arena and about to go home. After reading the text, many thoughts came to my mind. I sensed that you wanted to break up with me, but I still guessed what would be the reason.
After dozen of minutes ride and arrived at home, a message popped out. It was from you. You expressed that your feelings on me had not grown, but you only sensed that we were like siblings since we had known each other for a long time. No mistakes that I had made you said. However, it would bring no good if things were forced so there would be no possibility of us in a serious relationship.
After the moments we spent. After the attention we made. After all the energies we shared. After all the gifts we exchanged. They were useless still.
People say that kindness and attention are enough to melt a girl’s heart. It happens in most cases, but also fails to deliver in certain cases. Kindhearted behavior is positively correlated to the positive reception, but it is not a guarantee that it will grow women’s feeling. All men need to do is just making attempts even though the outcome is still uncertain.
After knowing you for a long time, I should have known that you are a lone wolf. You have no hesitations in making your decision. No one can direct you. Nothing can forcefully shape you. Even though I believe that someone will reach you to conquer your heart. Someday, he will come. I know he is not me, nevertheless.
